Kid jokes
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
What do you call a washed vegetable?
A disabled kid that needs a towel.
Where do religious kids practice sports?
In the prayground.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.