Jump jokes

What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?

Dam fools.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?

Spasticelastic.

Who are the fastest readers of all time?

People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

Why do people want to jump off buildings?

Because they want to become Superman.

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?

Society.

"White people can't jump..."

"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."

What do you call a U.S. border hopper?

A Mexican jumping bean.