Jump jokes

What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?

Dam fools.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?

Spasticelastic.

Who are the fastest readers of all time?

People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

Why do people want to jump off buildings?

Because they want to become Superman.

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?

Society.

"White people can't jump..."

"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."