Jump jokes

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?

Friend 2: Yup.

Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?

Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Fat kid jumps in the pool.

The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."

The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?

So they don't whistle on the way down!

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.

Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!"

Yo mama is so fat, she jumped on a trampoline and she broke it.

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."