Jump

Jump jokes

Blonde

    • If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?

    The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

  • 1

    • Parachute

    • Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

    Donald faced the other four and orders:

    "I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

    Tony jumps off.

    "Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

    Francis jumps off.

    Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

    Hillary jumps off.

    Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

    Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

  • 2

    • Cannibal

    • What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?

    CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.

  • 1
    • Jump memes

    People

    • Ever heard the saying white people can’t jump??

    Well, I think that’s total bullshit. You should have seen us on 9/11!

  • 0

    • Booty

    • Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?

  • 4

    • Toilet Plunger

    • This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.

    Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?

    They both jump in the toilet!

  • 2

    • Cat

    • There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?

    Zero, they were copycats.

  • 1

    • Bridge

    • Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

    Sanity to live: I don't know?

    Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

    Sanity to live? *dies*

    Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

    Sanity to live: *resurrected*

    Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

    (sponsored by jumping bridges)

  • 3

    • Airplane

    • There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

  • 4

    • Monkey

    • 5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"