Jump jokes
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?
Society.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.
Fat kid jumps in the pool.
The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."
The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
What do you call a group of emos about to jump off a bridge? Suicide Squad.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.