Joke jokes

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.

My life is a joke.

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

what do you call a white person having a seizure?

a vanilla shake.

What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.