Joke jokes
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
My life is a joke.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
Memes
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."