Joke jokes
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
What do cannibals call a wheelchair user?
"Uber Eats."
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
Let's have toast in the bath.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
You know the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
Wonderful saying! Horrible way to find out you're adopted! :DD
Why would doors do well on social media?
Everyone looks for their handles.
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."
Q: What's a conspiracy theorist's favorite letter? A: Q.
Butt hehe.