Joke jokes

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

what do you call a white person having a seizure?

a vanilla shake.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.