Joke jokes
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
My life is a joke.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
Memes
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”