Joke jokes
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Memes
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.