Joke jokes
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
My life is a joke.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.