Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Joke Jokes
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
Why was the emo mad?
The picture got hung, not her.
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Removing the polish with chemicals: 😀
Removing the Polish with chemicals: 😳
Why is Biden a priest?
So kids call him father.
What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?
A normal kid has a family.
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
