Joke jokes

Wanna hear something twisted?

A pretzel.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fffffsshhhhhh

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

A joke: my life, hahahahaha! Wait, it's not funny.

What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?

Some desert!

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

Want to hear a joke, huh?

Me........

Why did the pedo cross the road?

To get to the pre-school on the other side.

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

What did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. 😂😂😂

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.