Joke jokes
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was in a wheelchair! 🤣🤣
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
Why did Sally fall dead?
Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!
What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.