Joke jokes
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.
Why did Sally fall dead?
Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was in a wheelchair! 🤣🤣
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
What did the racist CoD player say to yo mama?
132.513.531.332
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔