Joke jokes
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.
Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"