Joke jokes
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.
Biden: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "That's a pretty big word for a 9-year-old!"
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
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All records are as of March 11th, 2021.
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?
I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
Trump said: "Let's make America great again."
Translation by Democrats:
"Let's fake America again."
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Why are Deepika Amar's jokes so shit?
Because he is a smelly cunt.
What the hell is this website? Do you all think these jokes are funny?
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.