Joke jokes
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was in a wheelchair! 🤣🤣
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
Why did Sally fall dead?
Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.