Joke jokes

Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!

The other person: Who?

You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

Very funny battery joke.

What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.

I sit because I can't stand you.

What do you call a banana that peels itself?

Appealing!

When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"

I sat down and wrote a joke.

What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?

"Hey BrO!"

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

Wanna hear a joke?

Yeah.

...

What's the joke?

I said it already!

I have some jokes about popcorn.

Nah, they're too corny.

What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?

Knock knock ones.

I am a dead baby. -end joke-

What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?

A hipster!