Joke jokes
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.