Joke jokes
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.
And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some STREET KNOWLEDGE on the other side.
Why did the rapper go to the seafood restaurant?
Because he heard they had PHAT BASS.
So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
How many Daveons does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he prefers to stay in the dark.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.