Joke jokes
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it always comes back.