Joke jokes
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
Why don't orphans get dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.