Joke jokes

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?

A: It's already done for you.

What do you call a nosy Mexican?

That's nacho business.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?

Panera misled.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.

How did you get into the tampon 100?

Pull some strings!