Joke jokes

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

It's not pedophilia, it's early access.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!

What does BLM stand for?

Bisexual Lives Matter.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.

How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?

A: The homepage.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.