Joke jokes

What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?

Raped.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?

Because every time they scan, it scans twice.

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.