Joke jokes
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Memes
Joke turned serious
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What does BLM stand for?
Bisexual Lives Matter.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.