Joke jokes

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.

Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

Turns out Christopher was adopted.

Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?

A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer.

What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.

Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"