What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
Joke Jokes
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
