Joke jokes

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

What do you call an emo filming their suicide?

America's Funniest Home Videos.

Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

she died the next morning.

I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.