Joke jokes

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.

What do you call an emo filming their suicide?

America's Funniest Home Videos.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

she died the next morning.

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.

How do you blindfold an Asian?

With dental floss.

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.