Joke jokes
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.