Joke jokes

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?

A: The homepage.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?

Because every time they scan, it scans twice.

Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

What does BLM stand for?

Bisexual Lives Matter.

How do you know when an orphan is lying?

When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."