Joke jokes

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!