Joke jokes
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
Who is chicken's favorite actor?
James Cor-hen!
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
Wow, why so many of the same joke?
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"