Joke jokes
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
What do you call a group of emo people?
"The Suicide Squad."
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.