Joke jokes

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

What did the robber say to the clock?

Hands up!

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

What's black and long? A line at KFC.

Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?

Because he's dead.

Fat kid jumps in the pool.

The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."

The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

What is Michael Jackson's favorite candy bar?

Milk-hee-hee Way.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

What is 6 inches and long?

A Slim Jim.

Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.