Joke jokes
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Tell me a joke.
My life.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.