Joke jokes
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
What did the orphan say to the parent?
Oh, wait!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."