Joke jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.