Joke jokes
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
What does LGBTQ+ mean? Is it the premium version of GAY?
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.