Joke jokes
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.