Joke Jokes

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.

What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!

Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?

A: Right where you left 'em.

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"But I'm not dead yet!"

"But we're not there yet."

Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?

I heard it was because of pier pressure.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE

I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.