Joke jokes

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?

Neither did she.

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

Where did the software developer go?

I don’t know, he ransomware!

Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.

Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.

Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

A: I'd hit that.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

A: Nothing! He was hung over.