Joke jokes
If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?
You turn it upside down.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.