Joke jokes
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.