Joke jokes

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?

Neither did she.

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

Where did the software developer go?

I don’t know, he ransomware!

Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.

Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

A: I'd hit that.

Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven is a registered six-offender.

What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.