Joke jokes

Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

A: Nothing! He was hung over.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."

Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.

I don't like the word "gun".

Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

Lol. It was just a prank, bro.

How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?

You turn it upside down.

I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It isn't hard.

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.