What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
Joke Jokes
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
I have a funny joke: my life.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
