Joke jokes

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

I have a funny joke: my life.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

My friend has a dry sense of humor.

Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.

"Would you like to play the rape game?"

"No wtf" she replied.

"That's the spirit!"

Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.