Joke jokes

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

- Carlos.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.

The little boy says, "I'm scared."

The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."

It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?

Family comes first.

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.