Joke jokes

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.

The little boy says, "I'm scared."

The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."

It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?

Family comes first.

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?

Roamin’ Numerals.

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.