Joke jokes
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
My life.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Which freedom fighter do we say "good morning" every day?
Answer: Subah Chandra Bose.
"Subah" means morning.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.