How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Joke Jokes
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
Wow, why so many of the same joke?
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.