Joke jokes
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.