Joke jokes
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party, and it was lit.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
What's Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders. 😊
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"