Joke jokes
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Wanna hear a joke?
YOUR MOM!
OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
My life.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Which freedom fighter do we say "good morning" every day?
Answer: Subah Chandra Bose.
"Subah" means morning.