What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
Joke Jokes
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?
At home.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.