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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

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    • Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

    Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.