Joke jokes
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell?
Because there is a stairway to heaven.
Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!
Uh oh, stinky!
Life's too short to want it.