Joke Jokes

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot is real.

A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”

What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?

I yam.

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?

I yam.

My favorite joke is my life.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

How is a child with cancer and dark humor similar? They never get old.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso.

JK, bleach.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.

Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.

What is big, fun, [and] loud?

A school bus 🚌

What did the duck eat for lunch?

Soup and quackers.

Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!

What did the rock say to the flower?

Rocks can't talk. -.-

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?

A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂