Joke jokes

What did the duck eat for lunch?

Soup and quackers.

Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!

What did the rock say to the flower?

Rocks can't talk. -.-

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?

A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOF!"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"9/11"

"9/11 Who?"

"I thought you'd never forget..."

What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?

Nothing.

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.

Q: What did the butt say to the face?

A: It farted!

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

What is the difference between a tree and a school?

A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.