This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Mississippi girls are missing a "pp."
Welcome to Mississippi.
Hahaha, you have no PP!
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
Where did Sally go during the attack?
Everywhere.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!😅
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a fish with no tail? A one-eyed grape.
