Joke jokes

I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

Do you know what the F in orphan is for...

Family.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

Turns out Christopher was adopted.

Why did I give an orphan the iPhone X?

Because it is the first one without a home button.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

This is a joke. Laugh now or else.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...

Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.