Joke jokes
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Turns out Christopher was adopted.
Why did I give an orphan the iPhone X?
Because it is the first one without a home button.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.