Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Joke Jokes
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader?
Because he's their father.
Why couldn’t Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
Because she was wearing mittens.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
