Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.
What's it called if an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
What's tree + tree?
Sticks! (Three + three = six)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, LOL.
An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
