Joke jokes
Goofy ahh jokes below.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
What did the South Tower say to the North Tower?
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.
What's it called if an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
What's tree + tree?
Sticks! (Three + three = six)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, LOL.