Joke jokes

An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.

Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.

What do you call a person with no arms?

Armless.

No, it's harmless.

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

What is the difference between a priest and a zit?

The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One actually gets picked.

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

Your hairline is so far back it took a trip to America.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground meat.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

I rate these jokes 9/11.

Your head was mistaken for a chicken wing.

I don't know, I don't have one.