Attribute jokes

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

Yo mama's so skinny that when she walks outside, she floats to Heaven.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."

What's long, brown, and sticky?

A stick.

Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.

Your hairline is pushed back farther than G.T.A. 6.

Big, ugly, and very weird.

What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.

What is white and 9 inches?

Nothing.

What do you call a tall person?

A tall person.

"How would you describe yourself in three words?"

"Lazy!"

I put the fun in dysfunctional.

If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

Big penis.

Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.

I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.

Biggest balls?

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.