Job Jokes

You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.

I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working in an orphanage!

So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"

God, I love working at an orphanage.

What is a pooper man called? A dentist.

Boss: Can I do a reference check?

Me: I don’t have a...

*sensei appears*

Me: oh no

Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.

Boss: What's kiz...

Sensei:😈

Me: Oh no, here we go.

Sensei: Kizma AS-

The image shows a grid of six images. Each is labelled with a job description: Good Job, Bad Job, Fun Job, Boring Job, and Outside Job. A doctor is shown for “Good Job”, a garbage man for “Bad Job”, a clown for “Fun Job”, a woman sitting at a desk for “Boring Job”, a gardener for “Outside Job”, and finally a photo of the 9/11 attack is shown for the last row with the label missing.

Him: I work with animals all day.

Her: Awwww what do you do?

Him: I'm a pornstar.

I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.

What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.

What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?

"You're under a vest."

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

My son's class is having a career day next week.

He was all embarrassed about having a mother who works at the AISH office.

We've agreed that I'll tell his class I'm a prostitute.

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."