Job jokes

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.

Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.

I blend children to make a good living.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living. oo----- ()

Why is Job good at Minecraft? Because he is noob, noob, noob, noob, noob. NOOB!

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Why can’t orphans work at AC Johnson’s?

Because it’s a family company.

Why did the terrorists crash?

They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.

Lol.

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

We are both lawyers.

I work with animals!

What do you do?

I’m a butcher.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.