Job jokes

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Am I a guard or a guava?

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

How come orphans know how to do laundry?

Cause that's usually the mom's job.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I lick poo for a living... You?

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Bob the builder.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.