Job jokes

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Am I a guard or a guava?

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I lick poo for a living... You?

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

Bob the builder.

Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.