Job jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.

If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.

When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."

And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Break his pipes...

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors. It’s a job I can see myself doing.

There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."

What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.

Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!

Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.

Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.

Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!

Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!

Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!

Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.