Job jokes

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Am I a guard or a guava?

What is a gay man's favorite job?

A blowjob.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

How come orphans know how to do laundry?

Cause that's usually the mom's job.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

I lick poo for a living... You?

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.