Job jokes

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

Bob the builder.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did the rapper become a carpenter?

To build some SOLID BARS.

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.