Job jokes

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

Where did the one legged lady work?

IHOP

If I ever ran for public office, I'd make Rajan a call center employee again.

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1

Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.

Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)

Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.

Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)

Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.

Mom: But what he did was wrong.

Girl: I know.

(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)

Mom: Is that ur dad.

Girl: Yes Mom

Comment Part 2

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.

That is just plain wrong.

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?

The Home Depot.

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?

So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.

I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!