Job jokes

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Am I a guard or a guava?

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

What is a gay man's favorite job?

A blowjob.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

How come orphans know how to do laundry?

Cause that's usually the mom's job.

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

I lick poo for a living... You?

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.