Job jokes

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Bob the builder.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.