Job jokes

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Am I a guard or a guava?

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

What is a gay man's favorite job?

A blowjob.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

How come orphans know how to do laundry?

Cause that's usually the mom's job.

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.