Job jokes

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

How come orphans know how to do laundry?

Cause that's usually the mom's job.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

What is a gay man's favorite job?

A blowjob.

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.