Job jokes
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
Interviewer: What are your strengths?
Interviewee: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: And your weaknesses?
Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
Work
Am I a guard or a guava?
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
I lick poo for a living... You?
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.