Job jokes

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Am I a guard or a guava?

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

What is a gay man's favorite job?

A blowjob.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

How come orphans know how to do laundry?

Cause that's usually the mom's job.

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.