Jesus jokes
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.
2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.