Jesus jokes
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Jesus has a twisted humor.
kittens cute cuddly and loveable oh yeah, I almost forgot, add razors that stick out [of] their feet.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lemon.
Haha! Hahahah! Hahahaah!
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.
Johnny: What?
Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?
Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!
Ex: Awhh!
Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.