it's jokes
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is just a scoreboard.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!