it's jokes
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.
Why can't an orphan use an Apple iPad?
Because it can't find the home button...
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?
Palpatine: Grew it.
What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?
You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.
At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.
Want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it’s too terrible.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
Hello Honey Bunches, it's me, Your Narrator. I was told by my buddy youthpartorryan he's in the middle of a war... I may be super wholesome but war against my buddy? Ho ho ho, no! A STORM IS COMING. #BestFriends
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!
Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test.
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.
For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.