it's jokes

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!

Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

I would make a joke, but it won't be as explosive as the others.

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?

One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.

Want to hear a pencil joke?

Never mind, it’s pointless.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.